One of the most difficult relationships to witness in the novel is that of Harold and Maureen. The politeness with which Harold shuts the door is indicative of the distance that's grown between him and his bride, who sleeps in a separate bedroom and cleans the house with such ferocity it's as if she's trying to erase Harold completely. Harold, at this point in the novel, is a man of such inaction that he's all but erased himself. What brings a marriage to this point?
Bride With Blue Face, by Marc Chagall
"It occured to him it was Maureen who spoke to David and told him their news. It was Maureen who had always written Harold's name ('Dad') in the letters and cards. It was even Maureen who had found the nursing home for his father. And it raised the question-- as he pushed the button at the pelican crossing-- that if she was, in effect, Harold, 'then who am I?' p.12
Is there a formula for a happy marriage? How do we maintain separate identities outside of our romantic partnerships, and why should we bother? What advice might you give this unhappy couple?
5 comments:
That first quotation...so poignant. Even painful. It reminds me how people all around us have longings they can't bring themselves to express, how important it is to remember to be gentle with each other, and how I hope I can act on truly loving impulses more and hide them less.
Queenie is unwell, and I believe that Harold suddenly realizes that his life is "unwell" and urgently needs healing. There is no time for preparation, he must propel himself forward and into the "great unknown" because he has faith in his belief that someone will be saved. I wonder what serves as a catalyst in each of our lives that may send us on a journey toward a kind of wellness. Are we, too, helped along the way by angels disguised as ordinary folk? Harold's journey affords him time to come to terms with issues that served as obstacles to his self-discovery. It allowed his longings to be revealed as well as his capacity to love. It is interesting how all of this helps Maureen to shed some obstacles to a loving life, also. Maybe we are reminded of the value of taking a self-exploratory walk and, with the help of the openness of nature and the fellowship of other human beings and animals (I loved the dog's part) and a tiny bit of faith that we believe will grow, perhaps finding something about ourselves and our gifts that we had never before known.
Beautiful. I love that. I sympathize with the need for a good, long, self-discovering, self-revealing walk.
I’m only about 3/4ths through the book, but on Saturday morning at the Lent retreat with Brother Tristam from SSJE, he mentioned a quote by St. Augustine that struck me as so apropos of Harold’s (and my!) journey: “To fall in love with God is the greatest of romances. To seek Him the greatest adventure. To find Him the greatest human achievement.” It is often so hard for me to know how to begin with sorting out a deep sadness and communication rift with someone in my life, or knowing which direction to step when life seems muddled. But what this quote lit up in me was the reminder that in order to deepen love with my spouse/family/friends, I must first seek God (and His love), and before I find that nugget of true meaning in my life, to seek first His command (and participate in His adventure). Harold, it seems, is in the process of exemplifying this truth. That through his (mostly) silent travels, Harold is developing a sense of renewed love for himself, deepening his love for Maureen, and enriching his life as he walks and deals with his past shortcomings, his thoughts moving forward, and his bouts of inspiration – and that these moments of pain and progress could not have been gained any other way except by slowly plugging along and staying the course. -- Jen
Thank you all for your comments! Anonymous #1, I love the parallel you make between Queenie's ill health and Harold's realization that he is also ailing in a very real sense. His walk does clarify so much for both him and Maureen.
Anonymous #2, agree!
"Harold is in the process of exemplifying this truth"-- Jen, that is so well. Thank you for sharing those words from Brother Tristam, which are indeed very apropos. How marvelous that your experience at the retreat deepened your response to the book!
Post a Comment